success

some days its all i can do to get out of bed and stumble aimlessly through the day...i guess today was a success...

hold on or let go?

I'm sitting here looking at pictures. some in a shoe box, some on the pc, some in my head...its funny how day to day nothing changes but one day you look back and everything is different...oh how we have changed lol...our hair, our clothes, our make up and sadly the innocence you could once see in our eyes...

but does the cause of that loss deserve the energy it takes to hate it?

if we allow our bodies and our minds to be consumed by hatred aren't we also allowing the cause to continue their hold over us? is it better to release the anger and hatred? not necessarily forgive and definitely not forget, but be the better person?

is feeling sorry or pity for the cause wrong?

if we hold on to the anger and hatred, if we get any kind of joy out of the cause's misfortune, doesn't that make us as bad as the cause? if we feel sorry for the cause, if we pity the cause, does that make us naive or ignorant? or does it make us better for eliminating from our lives what began the problem to begin with?

is it worth risking our own well-being, compromising our own sense of right & wrong to hold on?

or is letting go so that we can concentrate our energy on improving our lives and the lives of others a more fruitful option?

i chose the later...i chose to win this time.

my quirky, funny, amazing friends

people come into our lives and affect us in ways we would never expect...those that we see every day, some that we see every now and then and of course our on-line friends...each has their own qualities, personalities, quirks and idiosyncrosies...and each touch our hearts and our souls in the most amazing ways...i think that i have found an extraoridnary group of friends and i feel very blessed...so often i feel completely and utterly alone, until i open my eyes and see just how many friends want to help...i guess im not as alone as i thought...and i thank them for that.

selfish or selfless?

i am always curious about other peoples lives and i am always so happy when i can help with a problem, a question or just be there to listen. i'll do this for my family, for my friends, for complete strangers. tell your problems, your fears, your insecurities...tell me your dreams, your hopes, your joys...im happy to listen.

but sometimes i need to talk too...sometimes i need someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, a smile to ease the pain, a hug to ward off the fear...yet i can not ask for that. i do not want to burden others with my problems or my fears or my tears...and happiness seems far to rare i want to horde the feeling all to myself. im told this is selfish...i thought i was sparing people...

and today i need to talk. today i need to cry. today i desparately need that shoulder. but there isnt one available...so im on my own again...

this little piece of Heaven

I lay in the sand watching the sky as the sun tries to peak through the clouds as they shift and drift to new forms, new places. The raindrops fall on me, their cool touch lulls me into a dream. The breeze whispers a song as it moves across my body. The ocean sends its waves to the shore, gently washing over my feet and draws me in. Something is calling me. Something is telling me to go. Something is begging me to stay. As the rays of sun shoot beams to the earth, a rainbow, through the rain, through the sun, fills me with hope of what may be. And I leave this little piece of Heaven still not understanding where I belong or who I am. But my mind is calm. And my heart continues to break.