spinning, spinning, spinning

so many things are changing in my life now and i cant keep up...everything is moving so fast and once again im spinning out of control...

The struggle begins

Through these past several years, I have battled the darkness, tried to tame the voices and struggled to make it through each day.  I've burnt myself, scarred myself, continually put myself in bad situations and tried to deal with the guilt that followed.  I've spent so long in the darkness that finally seeing the light at the end of tunnel is terrifying.  For so many years I pushed everything away.  Hiding from the real emotions because how can I take care of everyone, keep everyone happy, not let anyone down if I'm dealing with my own life?  Well, there is only so many things you can push away before the flood gate opens and your world is changed forever. Nothing is right, you can't feel, you can't sleep, you can't live.  I'm on the high wire again - which way will I go?  Will I make it across into the light? Or will I fall into dark abyss?  To finish the journey and make it to the light, you have to deal with everything that you've tried to avoid for so long.  I think that is harder than existing in the darkness.  The struggle seems to be just beginning.