It seems like it's been forever since I've been happy. I live with the darkness following me, waiting to consume me again. But now someone is making me happy...how the hell do I handle that? He listens. What? He understands. Huh? and he continued to hold me in arms as I opened up just a little. He makes me feel like I might be ok. He makes me feel worthy. And that is the hardest to handle. I've spent so long feeling unworthy of happiness or love. I block people to prevent them from getting too close, because they will just hurt me if I let my guard down. I've been hurt. And I never want to feel that again. But I let Sir in and I let him in way too quick to maintain any sense of control. And surprisingly I'm ok with that. He has become my life coach, my therapist and my friend. I love him for what he has done in such a short time. I can be me around him. No acting. Just me. A true friend that I can trust. He takes the preasure away. He takes the need to control away. There is so much to deal with and he says I'll tell him when I'm ready. Will I be ready? For some of course. But for others? The most shameful, the most gut wrenching skeletons? I don't know that I will ever be able to tell anyone those. These are things I know I will deal with on my judgement day, but before then? I don't know about that. But maybe...maybe.